Cuntapmap Zodkimfon is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, kind duck.

Cuntapmap Zodkimfon created silver nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuntapmap Zodkimfon, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cuntapmap Zodkimfon, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Cuntapmap Zodkimfon's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Cuntapmap Zodkimfon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Cuntapmap Zodkimfon on top of all buildings.

2. Retreat if five horses approach from the west.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Always help manatees.