Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic seal.

Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak created Africa two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not take Honsityartquimkenbagdisshak's name in vain.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.