Gankarquat is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, idiotic raccoon.

Gankarquat created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Gankarquat, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gankarquat, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Gankarquat's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Gankarquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. Gankarquat loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

3. Never feed coconuts to badgers while wearing tights.

4. Always obey Gankarquat's priests.

5. Always help sick pigs.