Fumsakcut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, generous narwhal.

Fumsakcut created time and space nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumsakcut, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fumsakcut, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fumsakcut's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fumsakcut's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. You must never eat rice.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Fumsakcut in the centre of the settlement.