Davgatfid is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, vain turtle.

Davgatfid created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Davgatfid, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Davgatfid, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Davgatfid's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Davgatfid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never paint your hands turquoise.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about moons.