Fetbissmad is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, stupid tapir.

Fetbissmad created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetbissmad, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fetbissmad, it will refuse to believe in you.

Fetbissmad's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Fetbissmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Erect seven copper sculptures of Fetbissmad on top of important buildings.

5. Do not eat grapes.