Zengam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, benevolent dryad.

Zengam created time and space four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zengam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zengam, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Zengam's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Zengam's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Run away from turquoise manatees, for they are unholy.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not kill squirrels.