Kemsinlun is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unfair whale.

Kemsinlun created time and space five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemsinlun, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kemsinlun, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kemsinlun's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Kemsinlun's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not kill otters.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about bacteria.