Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, selfish pig.

Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dubquafpad Zedbagtailgut's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat swans with great respect.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.