Wikafkip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, grumpy guinea pig.

Wikafkip created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wikafkip, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wikafkip, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Wikafkip's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Wikafkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing red shorts and balancing seven lead spheres on your arms.

2. Do not keep three moths in a large pit.

3. Wikafkip loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Wikafkip in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never feed onions to geese while wearing jumpers.