Metwablik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, amazing dragon.

Metwablik created the Sun six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metwablik, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Metwablik, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Metwablik's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Metwablik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Metwablik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Metwablik must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think about dark energy near goats while wearing violet shirts and balancing three zinc spheres on your arms.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.