Gilstiphap is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, almighty dugong.

Gilstiphap created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gilstiphap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gilstiphap, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gilstiphap's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Gilstiphap's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry snakes.

2. Never think ill of sick dogs.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.