Hakfotnak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, cheerful gerbil.

Hakfotnak created everything that exists three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakfotnak, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hakfotnak, he will curse you with boils.

Hakfotnak's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Hakfotnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Hakfotnak loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Erect six copper sculptures of Hakfotnak on top of important buildings.