Tettijansand is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, merciless scorpion.

Tettijansand created dark matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettijansand, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Tettijansand, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tettijansand's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Tettijansand's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tettijansand first in all things.

2. Never look at asteroids.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never write about moons.