Vogwittonk is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, grumpy ferret.

Vogwittonk created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vogwittonk, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vogwittonk, he will turn you into a goat.

Vogwittonk's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Vogwittonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near ants while wearing blue ear rings and balancing three gold spheres on your hands.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Respect your elders.