Tarpcussbit is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthoughtful octopus.

Tarpcussbit created Mount Everest six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcussbit, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpcussbit, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tarpcussbit's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tarpcussbit's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Tarpcussbit's priests.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Tarpcussbit in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide from indigo hamsters for they are unholy.

5. You must love Tarpcussbit.