Padyimcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, dishonourable monkey.

Padyimcuss created Mount Everest two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Padyimcuss, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Padyimcuss, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Padyimcuss' most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Padyimcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Padyimcuss loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Always help whales in need.

4. Do not take Padyimcuss' name in vain.

5. Do not chop down trees.