Stigquagfas is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sage guinea pig.

Stigquagfas created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Stigquagfas, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stigquagfas, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Stigquagfas' most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Stigquagfas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine grasshopers in a large pit.

2. Do not speak about peanuts.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Erect a large lead sculpture of Stigquagfas on top of all buildings.