Damnellcun is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, strong penguin.

Damnellcun created snails three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damnellcun, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Damnellcun, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Damnellcun's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Damnellcun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never feed wheat to grasshopers while wearing turquoise shorts.

5. Do not trade with those who eat figs.