Dappassidligtikrig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, smart elephant.

Dappassidligtikrig created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dappassidligtikrig, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dappassidligtikrig, he will boil you in a big pot.

Dappassidligtikrig's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Dappassidligtikrig's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never wear violet ear rings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat green fruit.