Yarltaffar is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, charitable elephant.

Yarltaffar created the planet Earth two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarltaffar, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarltaffar, it will turn you into a puffin.

Yarltaffar's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Yarltaffar's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in holy places.

2. Erect four tin sculptures of Yarltaffar on top of important buildings.

3. Never feed beans to snails while wearing coats.

4. Always look after injured gulls.

5. Bats are not to be trusted.