Rotcapnurgumrip is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witless gorilla.

Rotcapnurgumrip created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Rotcapnurgumrip, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rotcapnurgumrip, he will make you grow a tail.

Rotcapnurgumrip's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Rotcapnurgumrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Never talk about otters.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Rotcapnurgumrip loves voles, so they must be honoured.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.