Somstiphen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous goblin.

Somstiphen created water three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somstiphen, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Somstiphen, it will turn you into a snail.

Somstiphen's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Somstiphen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Never sing in holy places.

5. Do not kill birds.