Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, self-confident snail.

Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Tigjipcid Cadhudpad Saftomrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in holy places.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.