Garrigbad Hanrowgam is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonest cow.

Garrigbad Hanrowgam created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garrigbad Hanrowgam, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Garrigbad Hanrowgam, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Garrigbad Hanrowgam's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Garrigbad Hanrowgam's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near badgers while wearing orange dresses and balancing five carbon spheres on your back.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never feed lots of carrots to tapirs while wearing green trousers.