Parkgatbess is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unselfish chinchilla.

Parkgatbess created a strange quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Parkgatbess, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Parkgatbess, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Parkgatbess' most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Parkgatbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair brown.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Do not speak about lentils.

4. Never hurt birds.

5. Never eat bark.