Hatvonkstan is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, stupid tortoise.

Hatvonkstan created a top quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatvonkstan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatvonkstan, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hatvonkstan's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Hatvonkstan's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hatvonkstan.

2. Hatvonkstan loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about hamsters.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.