Sagpannarl is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing seal.

Sagpannarl created the Large Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Sagpannarl, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sagpannarl, he will turn you into a plant.

Sagpannarl's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Sagpannarl's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. You must never eat parsnips.