Nilfetbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, compassionate spider.

Nilfetbarn created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilfetbarn, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nilfetbarn, he will try to impress you with trees.

Nilfetbarn's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nilfetbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

4. Do not kill snakes.

5. Never sit in the presence of gulls.