Veenrakbat is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unfair raven.

Veenrakbat created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Veenrakbat, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Veenrakbat, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Veenrakbat's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Veenrakbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to bats while wearing mauve shoes.

2. Always wear pink.

3. Never write about asteroids.

4. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never wear gray shorts.