Vontofceb Quatcithomweg is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, amazing snail.

Vontofceb Quatcithomweg created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vontofceb Quatcithomweg, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vontofceb Quatcithomweg, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vontofceb Quatcithomweg's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Vontofceb Quatcithomweg's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Vontofceb Quatcithomweg eight times a day.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never feed beans to eagles while wearing black dresses.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never pour water over plants.