Lamtaflog is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-powerful whale.

Lamtaflog created a quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lamtaflog, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lamtaflog, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Lamtaflog's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Lamtaflog's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always help great tits.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.