Kinmumvad is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, kind clam.

Kinmumvad created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinmumvad, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kinmumvad, she will laugh at you.

Kinmumvad's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Kinmumvad's Holy Commandments

1. Always help birds.

2. You must love Kinmumvad.

3. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Hide if four nematodes approach from the west.