Damfidfarn is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, egotistical bear.

Damfidfarn created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Damfidfarn, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Damfidfarn, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Damfidfarn's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Damfidfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.