Gamtarved is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, awe-inspiring ant.

Gamtarved created the planet Venus two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gamtarved, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gamtarved, it will turn you into a puffin.

Gamtarved's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gamtarved's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Worship no other gods but Gamtarved.

3. Always look after injured pigs.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always wear blue.