Bonkzennan is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, calm armadillo.

Bonkzennan created viruses three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkzennan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bonkzennan, she will make you grow a tail.

Bonkzennan's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Bonkzennan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always help geese in need.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate capybaras.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.