Gofcutcip is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, irritating mongoose.

Gofcutcip created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gofcutcip, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gofcutcip, he will turn you into a puffin.

Gofcutcip's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Gofcutcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of whales.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Worship no other gods but Gofcutcip.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Feed all hungry dolphins.