Cutpakquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, duplicitous lizard.

Cutpakquaf created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutpakquaf, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cutpakquaf, he will destroy your home planet.

Cutpakquaf's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Cutpakquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Cutpakquaf on top of all buildings.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

3. Never paint your hands yellow.

4. Do not wear cyan clothing.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.