Ditnarltun is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unfair dove.

Ditnarltun created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ditnarltun, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ditnarltun, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ditnarltun's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Ditnarltun's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.