Jiptifxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish salamander.

Jiptifxuc created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jiptifxuc, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Jiptifxuc, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jiptifxuc's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Jiptifxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Jiptifxuc in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never leap in the presence of dogs.

4. Always look after injured frogs.

5. Always help voles.