Sittargmitkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, self-confident cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sittargmitkem created an up quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Sittargmitkem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sittargmitkem, he will turn you into a rock.

Sittargmitkem's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Sittargmitkem's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help porpoises.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Worship no other gods but Sittargmitkem.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Sittargmitkem.