Sigteenratlop is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, idiotic crab.

Sigteenratlop created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigteenratlop, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sigteenratlop, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sigteenratlop's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Sigteenratlop's Holy Commandments

1. Put Sigteenratlop first in all things.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never feed cherries to snails while wearing violet trousers.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think about black holes.