Quatsawpib is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, two-faced octopus.

Quatsawpib created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatsawpib, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quatsawpib, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Quatsawpib's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Quatsawpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quatsawpib.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Quatsawpib loves gulls, so they must be respected.