Futvonyikwad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic hyena.

Futvonyikwad created the Sun eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futvonyikwad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Futvonyikwad, she will turn you into a duck.

Futvonyikwad's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Futvonyikwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near badgers.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near dolphins while wearing brown jumpers.

3. Never write about enzymes.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Hide if six mice approach from the east.