Cissgabtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, intelligent faun.

Cissgabtonk created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Cissgabtonk, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Cissgabtonk, it will cry a lot.

Cissgabtonk's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Cissgabtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cissgabtonk.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Hide from violet mites for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Retreat if six swans approach from the west.