Hitgunvog is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, conceited crab.

Hitgunvog created Mount Everest nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitgunvog, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hitgunvog, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Hitgunvog's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Hitgunvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never write about nucleic acids.

3. Never hurt tortoises.

4. Retreat if three otters approach from the east.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.