Yarnel Wadyogbig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, astonishing lizard.

Yarnel Wadyogbig created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Yarnel Wadyogbig, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yarnel Wadyogbig, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yarnel Wadyogbig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Yarnel Wadyogbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Retreat if eight moths approach from the east.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Always help sick ducks.