Ortmifdid Pad is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, tiresome cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Ortmifdid Pad created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortmifdid Pad, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ortmifdid Pad, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Ortmifdid Pad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Ortmifdid Pad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never hurt badgers.

3. Feed all hungry tapirs.

4. Never go into pink rooms.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.