Fidtargvin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unjust armadillo.

Fidtargvin created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidtargvin, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fidtargvin, he will come to you in dreams.

Fidtargvin's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fidtargvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near sharks while wearing yellow scarves and balancing nine iron spheres on your face.

3. You must pray to Fidtargvin three times a day.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fidtargvin.