Jonmonaf Gumflapyat is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, stupid warg.

Jonmonaf Gumflapyat created Mount Everest six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonmonaf Gumflapyat, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jonmonaf Gumflapyat, she will turn you into a hamster.

Jonmonaf Gumflapyat's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Jonmonaf Gumflapyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms indigo.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never feed limes to swans while wearing scarves.